and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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