In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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