Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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