My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
