At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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