she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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