So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
