my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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