Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
