saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
