I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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