I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
