i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize