Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
