My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
