Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
