He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize