do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
