so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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