no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
