Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
