i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
