My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
