I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
