How'd it feel making her break her religion?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
