Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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