So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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