Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is the prime rib incident all over again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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