I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize