Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
