i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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