Umm I'm too high to move.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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