what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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