She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize