1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
