Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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