Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
