I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
