I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
