So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
