I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize