im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize