God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
