The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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