Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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