She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
