And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize