I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
