This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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