Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
