meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
