good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize