It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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