do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
