I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
