The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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