dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
