The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Shame is for Republicans.
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