Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
