some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
