Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize