Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
