So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
