Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
