Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
