A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
