just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
