he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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