he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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