did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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