I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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