Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
