so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
