He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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