Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
