I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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